I don't get it

There's a long intro story I don't really have time for, but over the weekend, we decided to re-vamp the job thing again, only much more seriously this time.

So Monday and today (had to do my stinky schedule yesterday and tomorrow) I used yellowpages.com and started calling places in and around one of our target areas (five counties should be big enough, don't you think? That's the six biggest cities in Arkansas.) Monday I was on fire and excited about it, but today has been discouraging. Right back to where we started! Can't anything go right for five seconds?

So, anyway, I just got off the phone with this guy who I don't think meant to be a jerk, but I just felt desperate all of a sudden and he was just so straightforwardly rejecting that I was in tears by the end of it.

I had a micro-epiphany earlier while Adam was home, but I've forgotten exactly what the subject was on (well, it was on the atonement and the Garden of Eden but I've forgotten exactly how that ties into Adam getting professional job help) and it doesn't even matter anymore. It's right back to square one. It feels like nothing matters. Nothing I do makes any difference. Not when I'm excited about it (aka Monday) or when I'm depressed about it (aka today) or the violent mood swing in between.

I give up. I want someone to be angry with me for giving up so easily. But, I also want us to get some help and we're not getting that either. I've tried to call places--be proactive right? God helps them who help themselves, right? Why can't we get any help?

There is no help for us.